While I was working out this morning (not because I care what I look like but because my life is so great I want to enjoy it forever!) sportscenter was on and I saw on the ticker that Gilbert Arenas has been suspended for the season.
I had to stop running. Not out of shock but because I started laughing at the Dave Chappelle skit that would certainly be following this colossal lapse in judgement. Since Dave himself decided to deprive us of his comedic talents, I’ll do my best to recreate one of my favorite skits of his, and insert Gilbert into the starring role.
WHEN KEEPING IT REAL GOES WRONG:
Gilbert Arenas is playing cards with his teammates. Over a few games, he begins to run a pretty big debt with one of them. Javaris Crittenton, knowing that Gilbert makes a GIANT salary, begins to question his teammates’ lack of payment. It goes from jovial jokes to the point of threats.
At this point, Gilbert has a choice. He can; A) no matter the size of the debt, wait two weeks at the very most for one of his GIANT paychecks to arrive and thus be able to write Javaris a check and pay off the debt. OR B) He can “keep it real”
Gilbert chooses to “keep it real” by bringing not one, not two or three, but FOUR guns to the arena. During yet another argument Gilbert decides to pull one of his guns on Javaris. This is not only in violation of an NBA rule he has previously been suspended for, but also a CIVIL law that requires a gun to be legally licensed. This prompts Javaris to bring his OWN gun out, which results in a stand off “real gangsta” style.
Gilbert and Javaris have been suspended for the remainder of the season. This means that by “keeping it real” these two have forfeited the rest of this season’s salary, as well as the ability to practice and travel with the team. If money was tight for either of these two before, then it’s about to get tighter. The Wizards are considering voiding the rest of Gilbert’s $111 contract, which still has 4 years left. This means that in all, Gilbert may cost himself over $80 million in order to “keep it real.”